Are You Lonely or Alone?
Are you lonely or are you alone? These two words are often used interchangeably, however, Webster’s Dictionary gives two distinct definitions:
lonely - adjective
1a: being without company: LONE
b: cut off from others: SOLITARY
2: not frequented by human beings: DESOLATE
3: sad from being alone: LONESOME
4: producing a feeling of bleakness or desolation
alone - adjective (Entry 1 of 2)
1: separated from others: ISOLATED
2: exclusive of anyone or anything else: ONLY
3a: considered without reference to any other
b: INCOMPARABLE, UNIQUE
alone - adverb (Entry 2 of 2)
1: SOLELY, EXCLUSIVELY
2: without aid or support
For me lonely is an emotion, a feeling in which one longs for connection and alone is just that, being by oneself. Read that again. Lonely is an emotion. And alone is a factual state of being. Just because a person is alone does not mean they feel lonely. A person could just as well be surrounded by people and feel lonely.
I don’t feel lonely often; however, recently was one of those days in which I did. I opened the coat closet to find a hat and all the board games were just staring at me, begging to be played. How wonderful it would be to just sit down and play one. I thought to myself. Ah, but alas, I live alone and there is no one to play with, coupled with the fact we are in the middle of a pandemic and practicing social distancing, so there wasn’t anyone I was willing to contact to come over and play either.
I am a human family of one.
I shed a few tears allowing the feelings of loneliness to cascade over me and through me as to not stay stuck inside my body and cause me depression, or even illness if they are allowed to fester inside too long. Then I continued with what I was doing. I dried my tears, found a hat and put it on along with my coat and gloves and headed back to the detached garages. I checked the chicken coop for eggs, all the while talking to “The Girls”, the hens I raised from baby chicks last May, named Penny, Molly, Peggy Sue, Mary Lou, Sally and Dolly.
Once I finished with “The Girls”, I went into the back room to take care of the new barn cats. Autumn Moon and Roxi Ramrocket. I took a blanket and sat on the ground, talking to them, feeding them yummy treats and showing them, they can trust me. Trying to coax Roxi out of hiding proved unsuccessful; however, I was rewarded by Autumn Moon purring and brushing up against my arm. She won’t let anyone pet her, they said, but I discovered she is comfortable in allowing herself to get close enough to me for personal contact.
After I sat out there for a while in the company of the cats I came back inside the house where I played with my dog Buddy for a bit. I also texted a friend. She and I texted for a bit about our days. I wasn’t feeling lonely for long.
Have you ever been in a relationship where once there may have been a connection or at least you thought there was, and now it no longer exists? This could be due to communication or growth, or a host of other reasons, but none-the-less one person begins to realize that even though they are with another human being, they are more alone than ever.
Have you ever been with your family or group of friends you are close to, yet feel lonely as you have absolutely nothing in common with any of them anymore? During my lifetime I’ve had opportunities to experience in several different ways the first-hand loneliness that can be felt even if you are with other people. These opportunities gave me the fuel I needed to begin to choose myself instead of living a life of always putting others first, at my expense.
I chose to examine my life. I asked myself questions like, who is Lorri, really? What makes her tick, what are her fears, her desires, her dreams? What makes her happy, what no longer resonates, what truly brings her joy? I’m on a journey, exploring life as my true authentic self now. What I once believed and who I thought I was no longer resonates. I’ve let go of toxic relationships and limit my time with people who drain my energy.
I get to choose!
I have changed so much. Some of my discoveries have been surprising, while others not so much. Deep, meaningful relationships are very important to me. I’ve had enough narcissistic, toxic relationships to last more than a lifetime. For me, I will choose being alone over not being able to be my authentic self with others every time. And what I know for certain is as long as nature exists and there are animals to be tended, I am never truly completely alone.