Lessons
Lessons: an amount of teaching given at one time; a period of learning or teaching.
I have intentionally been on this journey of healing and change for a while. When I look at my journal writings from past months or even years, I can see so many tangible changes and self-improvement. Many of the goals that I have set for myself, I have either accomplished or am currently working towards. You reading this post signifies a completed goal.
However, despite all these goals that I have completed, I am never satisfied.
I have unconsciously convinced myself that none of the growth or opportunities were worthy of a celebration. I consistently have the feeling that I need to do more! Society, social media, and most importantly ourselves, set plans for our lives and the expectation that at certain points in our lives, there are goals and accomplishments that we should reach.
We tell ourselves at “this age” we will be married with kids, at “this stage in our life” we will make this amount of money, graduate from school or lose weight. Sure! Goals and desires for our lives are important, but what happens when life shifts and we realize that our life has not quite mapped out the way we had planned?
This is when self-doubt, disappointment, comparison, and a long list of other negative mindset habits start to creep in. In all of the healing and goal-setting I have done, I still have the overwhelming feeling of I'm not where I want to be, stressed and unhappy. It was not until I recently spoke with my life coach that an epiphany changed my perspective. She said ‘you cannot celebrate your accomplishments because you have no peace’. The words hit me like a ton of bricks!
All these accomplishments that I have made and all I can focus on is what still needs to be done. The self-sabotage of adding more on my to-do list and then feeling overwhelmed that I have so much to do. What is going to be the goal or the accomplishment that would make me feel like I have made it? The lesson in that conversation is — it's not those goals that will make me happy. My peace will come within myself, those parts of me that I have neglected to heal internally. I will thrive better when I prioritize my goals and my healing; most importantly, instead of fitting God into my life, I have to fight to keep Him in the center. After all these years of healing and growing, lessons have blossomed in just a few days.
In just a week, I have been able to sit and understand these few lessons:
1. Understanding the Importance of Friends that Align with You
About a year ago, I was in search of expanding my circle. I was in the transition of letting go of old friendships and grieving the shift in other ones. I had heard great things about Bumble Best Friends. When I joined, the experience felt awkward at first, to say the least, but I have formed great relationships. These relationships give me a different perspective on life, these ladies teach me and motivate me. This month I took my first girls' trip to Baltimore and Washington DC, and it was a beautiful time. The value of sisterhood is sacred. Platonic relationships fill us just as the romantic ones. There are women that will accept, embrace and rejoice with you, looking for nothing in return but the love back.
2. You Deserve to Rest
I once heard a quote that said, “Did you earn your bed?” — meaning did you work enough toward your goals today? There are many times that I am lost in the world of social media. 5 minutes turns to 10, and 10 turns to 30 minutes of wasted time. A great show comes on Netflix and I bypass that book I need to finish and binge-watch 10 episodes. There needs to be a healthy balance of grind and downtime. However, you set the standard of when you deserve to rest. There was a time in my life when procrastination was a close companion. Though I still wrestle with the habit, I'm not where I used to be. The issue is that I still believe that I do not deserve rest, I have to “catch up on lost time.” That is not true! We are going through so much in the world, let alone in our personal lives. Now more than ever, we deserve to give ourselves more grace. You are doing a great job even if it does not feel like it. As we all know the words it is a marathon; if today was stressful and overwhelming, rest! If you have things that need to be done, prioritize what is most important.
3. Healing is Forever
One of the things that I am grateful for about social media is the knowledge and advocacy of healing. I am now learning that healing is not a destination point that stops. There are experiences in our lives, such as grief for a loved one, that will stay with us forever. There are relationships and mistakes that I have made in my life that I will process forever. The beauty is that those experiences shape our purpose. I am in a stage of restoration. I have pain, brokenness, and even some scars, But, slowly but surely, I am being made whole.
4. Self-Awareness
Simply, listen to your inner voice. It is the God inside you. Making changes and breaking cycles is a fight. Nevertheless, there is always an opportunity to hear the conviction and make a better choice. Honor the promises that you make to yourself during your healing, this is a form of self love.
I love you, and am cheering you on. We are in this together.