What I Know Now
I can feel that little bubble beginning to form in the pit of my stomach as I’m finalizing details of being a contributing writer here. What an opportunity! I am excited, elated actually, but at the same time I’m afraid.
Writing is something that I have tinkered with all my life.
From the time I was a child I dreamed of being a writer. When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would always light up and smile and say, “I’m going to be a writer and live in a cabin in the woods in Maine.” I have no idea why I said Maine, in my young mind it must have been the only place I thought had lush forests, and even then I was always drawn to nature and trees!
Ah, but back to the task at hand.
I’ve shared thoughts and posts in writing on social media, of course this is limited to only my friends. I have never put anything out in public to this large of an audience.
I feel those stirrings of my old friend FEAR in my belly.
I shake my head and smile to myself, as I know these feelings well, but the difference between now and then is I know I have a choice. I can let fear take hold and stop me from achieving this lifelong dream, or I can make a conscious choice to not let fear stop me, as it has many times before.
In the past I would let fear stop me in my tracks. I would have denied myself this dream. I would have run from these feelings of fear or shoved them down even deeper inside, allowing them to fester and grow until they manifested into something even larger. What I know now is that I can acknowledge and hold space for the feelings of fear that are beginning to swirl around before they ever take hold. Consciously acknowledging them means facing them, staring them down, even thanking them for showing up but letting them know they are not needed here today. I get to choose!
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
I have wavered back and forth a few times on the details of this new venture. I had always thought I would write under a pseudonym ~ yes, hiding once again… so I’m asking myself, “Do I create a completely new Instagram and/or Facebook account for only my writing?”, “What are certain people going to think, if I don’t keep it in a safer and more controlled environment?”
Well, two days ago, I made the decision that this is about expressing my truth, my true authentic self in this journey of healing so I'm just going to put it out there as me, myself, and I – no more hiding!
BUT, even today as I am finishing up this first piece, I was getting into my head too much, questioning whether I should put myself out there or continue to remain hidden, so I felt the need to pull a card. This card is from the Sacred Earth Oracle Deck.
I pulled REVOLUTION!
The Universe is with me on this. No hiding for me, this is all about facing my fears, revolution, revelation, and standing in my own truth!!
Each time fear begins to show up I acknowledge it, hold space for the feelings, question myself, make a decision and then let it go. If you want to get good at something, you have to practice, practice, practice. Here’s to sharing my personal journey in facing fears and learning to fear, not!
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!