Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star

---

On October 18th I woke up to crystal clear skies. I was in Taos, New Mexico at the Held In The Heart EXPLORE retreat. I ordinarily live in Ohio, so when I saw the night sky there for the first time I was truly grounded. The stars were far more visible and abundant. I understood why the song says "twinkle, twinkle" little star.

Every star was twinkling.

This is beyond imagination and sometimes we need to retreat to places like this to renew our vision. To bring a living picture with that vision. To know that it is already here.

Photo by Trey Tompkins • Taos, New Mexico

Contrast is a huge thing in our lives. We usually go around our days doing the same ole' thing. Repeating our patterns until the day is up and hanging it away at night time. This creates a bland imprint in our lives, and we accept this, promising for something bigger in the future. Yet, we get so used to the bland that we lose sight of the richness that life can offer us today.

I drove from Ohio to New Mexico to get my contrast. I wanted to see the difference in the Kansas flats. I wanted to feel the awe when the Colorado Mountains became visible. I wanted this to bring me to light.

I saw all of that and more.

Photo by Trey Tompkins

We were presented with a question during the retreat: "What do you like about yourself?"

This is a question that can catch a person off-guard. It's vulnerable because we don't ask each other this often? We probably have a list of discrepancies about ourselves readily available. I don't like my weight. I don't like my height. My job is hard. I'm in a bad relationship. I'm not in a relationship. People suck… It can seem endless.

But I was ready for it. I told our group that I admire my drive to look for the good in people, and to never give up on it. This was such a true reflection and something that I had forgotten about. Maybe I had gotten caught up in my list of discrepancies without even realizing it. It gave me something to ponder over our weekend experience and to carry on into our other exercises.

The next question came later on: "What does exchange mean to you?"

I had written that exchange means mutual expression or reflection of a thing… Feelings, emotions, thoughts, goods… Sometimes the 'mutualness' feels even and on-point, and other times it seems like unfair value where we're at a loss. A lot of exchanges develop our sense of worth.

Since I do look for the good in people, and in circumstances, I often neglect that same introspection for myself. In this way I don't have a very fair exchange value within my own narrative. Other people become more important than my own actions, and I often sacrifice time for the sake of another. This is such an utter waste. I know it's good to be there for people, but it ultimately takes away from our own life. By viewing this, I see how I had given up years of my life. To service. To work. To something bigger… eventually. But it never measured up. I've not been receiving value.

While that seems harsh to swallow, it's the contrast that I needed to see.

A realization like this can crush us, but it only opened up my eyes even further. I need better exchange for myself. I need to honor my own value and increase my worth towards that without handing it out to everyone else. How am I going to do it?

Photo by Trey Tompkins

When I returned to Ohio from the retreat I woke up in the morning to run. It was alongside a usual bike trail I frequent. Although, it was different this time. Fall colors were at their peak on the trees. The sun was slowly rising above the horizon. Shadows were long. Fog was lifting off the grass from the morning dew. During that run I had every sensational feeling that I had while going through Colorado and staying in New Mexico. I was stunned by the brilliance and beauty. That wasn't anywhere else. It was right out my back door all along. It's been here the whole time.

I am going to do it by remembering the stars.

---

Did you enjoy this read?

Please leave a comment below and share the link!

---

RECENT ARTICLES

---