Deeply Into The Quiet
I am single. I do not have kids or a whole lot of obligations other than work expectations, chores, and finances. A lot of times I do have ample amount of space. Even with this it seems to consume quite a bit of my energy.
Right now I am doing a 21-day writing challenge. Each day it gives us a question or writing prompt. My favorite one so far is this:
Write about how you can go more deeply into the quiet of yourself.
I had a thought that play is how God expresses itself through children. Maybe quiet is how God expresses itself through adults.
I've put myself through a lot of solitude, but that has not necessarily equated to silence. Solitude, isolation, can feel imprisoning. You feel trapped even if it is voluntary. In this type of space you are not going to allow yourself to be present. In it, we’re looking for a way out, or an activity to keep us busy so we can keep entertaining a false promise that something “next” is coming soon. That in itself is the way out, and it still persists during silence. It’s hard to escape.
Silence is about feeling empowered, not imprisoned.
This empowerment allows us to be still. We can go deeply into quiet by giving “what’s next” less strength. I don't necessarily know where that comes from. Perhaps there is a psychological term for it. I don't know. It's just not pleasant.
Original Photo by Trey
Going deeply into quietness isn't necessarily about noise, or volume. But more about awareness and embrace of our internal and external environments in that moment. These two places exist simultaneously, but we often treat them as independent, and without influence of each other. And this is the most disturbing nature. Instead of balancing the two worlds as one, we treat them as two realms that need two different types of tending.
What often gets in the way is a type of neglect. We think that being our 'self' is about how much we can handle, or take on, externally. From here it becomes casual to push off support that is much needed, and after a while support (from someone or something) will feel uncomfortable. We reject help when it becomes available, or we just don't see it entirely. This will lead us to feeling abandoned in moments of need. Then we won't go deep when we have to try.
Going deep into quiet is almost too easy. We simply have to acknowledge that there is an infinite expanse for us all to dwell within, and it's our own choice, capacity, and capability that brings it. Nobody else is going to give you permission to go there. It's something we take for our own. It's also something we fairly create for ourselves. The thing that I think we came here to create.
For me, I need to embrace uncertainty.
Which simply means to be aware of when I am feeling uncertain, and not trying to feed it any fear or terrible thought. Just going into the uncertainty is what helps me expand. And it's not about a measure of danger or risk, but more about small bits that allow me to expand. Feeling this expanse has no size, and this is what feels most suitable. Here I feel loved and I can express it openly. It's not about restriction – although we do have limitations – but more so, better patterns of language come from here. I communicate well with a quiet presence.
I can have confidence even during uncertainty this way. Actually, there are many things that I’ve felt certain about, and I've lost out on it. Why? Perhaps because I was gripping too tightly. Whenever I have a tight grip on something, eventually it feels frustrating when it is gone. That was just an indication I never wanted to let it go, and that's a hard lesson in life. The harder you grip, the harder it will be when the thing you're holding onto needs to move on.
To go deeper into my quiet is to know it fades away. As long as I am breathing there will be some interference, no matter how I view it, to come along and pull me into the activities of life. That gives more joy with the journey of life.
Original Photo by Trey
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!