The Mantra I Needed
I sat down on the floor in front of the still-present Christmas tree the morning after Epiphany. This is my new routine since the start of the new year — get out of bed, go to the bathroom, then sit on the floor for meditation. Instead of immediately letting the dogs out, feeding them, then taking the younger one for a walk, I sit and meditate first.
I heard Steve whimpering but I attributed it to his excitement for getting the day started and ignored his further protests. Instead I pushed play on my guided meditation for the day. This particular meditation was less about calming the activity of the mind and more about paying attention to it. I was asked to think through the day ahead — what were my plans, where would I go. The voice asked me to imagine myself in one moment, at a specific time during the day to come.
Since I knew it was coming up soon, and because I often find myself frustrated during this moment, I imagined myself on a walk with Steve. After feeding the dogs, taking Steve out in the dark for a quick walk is next on the list. The voice asked me to imagine what I’d hear, see, taste, touch and smell. I pictured the dark road with occasional street lights. I heard a few birds chirping alongside Steve whining. I felt the cold air on my face.
Then the voice asked me to imagine what the future self might need —
— to allow a few words to come to mind. Immediately I thought of patience and calm. I knew that’s what my future self will need… it’s what I always need when I take Steve on a walk!
So I began to breathe in patience and calm for myself… and breathe out patience and calm for whomever might need it. Over and over, in and out. Patience and calm.
When the meditation was over, I felt ready to take on the next steps in my day.
Then I got downstairs to let the dogs out of the laundry room where they sleep at night…
I turned on the light…
There was shit everywhere. Everywhere.
I quickly removed the gate and let them outside. Then I found paper towels and began cleaning. Once I got most of that cleaned up, I filled up a bucket and started mopping.
Wouldn’t you know, the entire time these words were playing in my mind: patience and calm. I kind of laughed to myself, thinking how I imagined my future-walking-self needing this mantra when it was really my future-cleaning-up-shit-self that needed it.
When I finished cleaning I noticed that Denali hadn’t come back inside, so I went out to find her. She was in the yard sniffing around. I caressed her furry back and asked her if she was okay (I still wasn’t quite sure who was sick). After some investigation I realized she was the one not feeling well. I spoke calmly to her and offered gratitude that I get to work from home and am available to care for her. I was patient and calm.
Now, when Steve and I eventually got out of the house to go for that morning walk, some of that patience and calm had worn off. Additionally, he was extra agitated after being in that room with Denali’s sickness for who knows how long.
I found some extra patience and calm for him knowing he was stressed too.
Denali resting
Even though the circumstances were not what I expected, the mantra was exactly what I needed. Through breathing and visualization, I was able to anticipate my own needs and care for my future self in a loving, compassionate way. In caring for myself, I was in the right mindset to care for our dogs in a loving, compassionate way.
I’m not sure how the morning would have gone had I not taken time to sit, breathe, and meditate. I can guess though…
Throughout these last two weeks of intentional morning meditation, I’m learning that it’s not important how calm my mind is or how deep my breaths are. What’s important is that I’m setting aside time at the start of my day to be present to myself and to Spirit. And in doing so, I’m creating a path for my day… a path that begins with stillness, compassion, and a return to breath.
It’s amazing to me how just a few minutes of guided meditation — or even just moments of silence and deep breaths — can orient my day. I mean, if I can have a good day after such a shitty morning, anything is possible!
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!