The Unknown
I went for a hike over the weekend with my hiking buddy Lauren. We started going to state parks together last fall, and now that we both have the annual parks pass, we’re looking forward to even more visits throughout this summer.
Prophetstown is Indiana’s youngest state park, and because of its location in the state, it’s also one of the more open, flat parks we’ve been to. We took one trail through the woods, but the rest were through plain-like terrain. Lots of wide views of the land and the sky. It felt good to be in such an open place.
Thanks to the pandemic, my daily routines have changed drastically over the last 14 months. I no longer drive downtown or go out to restaurants. I don’t meet friends for a drink after work or go to the movies. My travel radius shrunk to about a mile… some weeks I don’t even go that far.
Not only did my traveling shrink, so did my calendar.
I haven’t planned very far in advance because it was hard to know what would be possible two or three months ahead. It’s only been since the start of 2021 that I started putting events on the calendar beyond the month I’m currently in.
Whereas I used to pretend that I could see my future (because really, we’re all pretending!), now I face the reality that I don’t know what’s coming next. I act like that trip to North Carolina is happening next week, but I also know that anything could happen to make that trip fall apart in an instant. I’m coming to terms with the fact that, aside from what I’m experiencing right now, life is completely unknown.
While going through the different trails on Saturday, we came across this boardwalk. I snapped a picture, because I love images of paths, but it wasn’t until later that I realized how much this image resonates with me right now.
I can see as far as I need to see in order to accomplish current tasks and goals.
I can see that the path turns and then it’s completely out of sight. I have no idea what’s coming next… until I take another step forward and then another one and then one more. Every time I move forward, I get a glimpse of what might be ahead, but there are still curves and shadows that keep me from seeing too much farther.
Since leaving my position as a youth minister almost four years ago, I’ve struggled to figure out what’s next for me. My current job meets my needs for now, but it’s not something I want to do long term. So, I’m constantly wondering what my next job will be. I read through job openings, I ponder my gifts and skills, I consider outside of the box possibilities. And, I keep coming up with nothing…
For the longest time this was really frustrating for me. I wanted answers! Recently, however, I’ve opted for curiosity instead of finality. I’m asking for inklings into what’s next rather than a full job description.
I’ve replaced frustration with wonder.
I’m standing at the edge of this boardwalk and I see the steps I need to take to get me to that bend. Beyond that? I have no idea. And, instead of wondering about something that is completely unknown to me, I think it’s better to be present to what I do know. I know how to take the steps across these boards. I know how to appreciate the beauty around me. I know how to have meaningful conversations with my friend who is on the journey with me.
Being present to what I know and accepting the unknown feels like a beautiful way to live. I’m going to keep practicing this and before you know it, I’ll be at that bend and in awe of what I see coming next. Normally at this point I’d say “I can’t wait!” but I realized I can… I can wait as long as it takes.
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!