Exploring the Solar Plexus: Burn, Burn, Burn
The third chakra is the solar plexus and its element is fire. It is the house of the ego and what ‘I’ would call ‘me’ and ‘you’ would call ‘you.’ After finding food and shelter in the root chakra, and the ability to move and reproduce in the sacral chakra, we come to the awareness of a certain self in the solar plexus. I’m both fascinated and put off by this chakra. It's one that I have struggled with in the past and also believe myself to struggle with in the present. It's one big game of hide and seek with yourself and your ability to keep the game going hangs on the edge of a knife. It’s not unlike fire. Fire has made humans the dominant species on the planet. Which has made us objectively the most destructive.
My goal at the start of the month was to bring my focus to the physical body. I had created habits and then learned how to listen to my body when it needed a break or a change, but now it was time to put it to the test. For overall health it’s great to listen to your body and back off when necessary, but if you have a goal or aspiration in mind, you’re eventually going to have to push into your discomfort to create change. Runners talk about the wall that they hit at mile twenty of a marathon. It does them no good on race day to listen to their aching legs and heaving chest. This is where they turn to that little voice in their head that says you can push a little harder and go a little further. This is the voice that I intended to strengthen this month.
I believed that this is what the voice would say. I had such certainty that it would tell me to go harder, move faster and be stronger, but something kind of interesting happened that I truly did not expect. As I began to push into my practices, I found that the voice saying go, go, go was one that I had created. It was an idea of what I thought I should be or what this practice should be like. It’s an expectation that creates friction between myself and the world around me. Should, could and would get in the way of what simply is.
To find a voice, you don’t talk. You listen.
This is where the idea of the ego gets testy and downright uncomfortable. With the spirit of Buddhist exploration, I’ve played around a lot with destroying the ego. That journey itself is one big ego trip because who is really destroying what, if there is no you? The practice is an unwinnable one and maybe that’s the point. Let’s roll through it together.
Who are you?
Maybe you start with your name. Well, what about nicknames you’ve had over the years? How about your job? What if you change careers? The options are endless but so are the responses. The cells that make up your skin are literally changing as we speak. Recent medical advancements have allowed for all sorts of organ replacements, so we can’t really turn to your heart or parts of your brains as what is really you. Maybe it’s your thoughts and stances on things, but who hasn’t changed their mind on something before? (By the way, if you haven’t recently, give it a try. The results can be wondrous.)
Maybe there are attributes that you connect to this certain sense of ‘self,’ like kindness or generosity, but when you’re a bit snippy with that coworker you don’t care for or ignore the person begging for change on the street you’re being neither so that doesn’t work. If you keep on this path, you find that it's pretty difficult to nail down anything that is really consistent with you and absolutely unchangeable.
But on the other hand there’s definitely something, right? I’m me. I have to be. I wake up every morning in a body and story line at the very least similar to the one that I went to sleep in. There just has to be something there that is me.
That’s true! To quote the good doctor, “There’s no one alive who is you-er than you!”
It’s just not what you think.
The rules of this game called existence are interesting. We’re all just a tiny blip that happens in the universe momentarily and then returns back to the source. The individuality of a snowflake is not really all that significant when you think about it. They all still hit the ground and melt. This realization can quickly lead to nihilism or the belief that nothing matters. We might wallow in a bit of self pity with this new understanding, but we’re really just in time for the big reveal.
If nothing matters, then everything matters.
As humans, we tend to look at big events and celebrations as the cornerstones of life. You can read about a historical figure’s life and get important dates and things that seemed to change the trajectory of their story and create the person that becomes a household name. In an attempt to emulate the heroes from our textbooks, we strive for completion. We usually aren’t able to see that those moments of celebration show up by accident. It’s a typical Tuesday routine where you can find the special sauce that makes someone who they are.
On my typical Tuesday, I don’t want to be the type of person who is so sure of who they are that they don’t have the strength to listen.
This is where I have always felt the danger in the solar plexus lies. When you focus here on your identity and sense of self, you can begin to cling to it. You can begin to put up walls of words that dictate who you are and how you must be. The more you believe those imaginary walls to be real, the more you believe yourself to be right. The more you believe yourself to be right, the more you can believe that others are wrong. That’s when you can begin to feel righteous. And that’s when you can start to do some pretty heinous shit. That’s when the fire in the belly can grow into a vast unquenchable flame, destroying anything in its path.
Your fire was meant to light the way. Not to burn a path.
At the full moon, Jenna and I pulled cards from our animal deck as we always do. During the course of that moon cycle, we keep the cards perched up on one of our many altars and I find myself looking back to it over and over again as the month progresses. I pulled a Dragon this time around and that’s a card that can make you feel all sorts of good when you see it. This is the time for me to be a mythical beast and rule over my domain through air, land and sea; spouting fire at anything in my path. It’s one of the spirit animals on my totem and my dragon shows up at very interesting times in my life, so I’m really all ears to see how this card can manifest. Jenna pulled the frog and believe it or not, that animal is also on my spirit totem. I see him as a form of unexpected strength. If that doesn’t land for you check out some tree frog videos online and watch how the males kick each other with powerful legs to assert dominance. They’re mostly just sitting there in stillness. The strength is not something they make a big show of. They use it when it is necessary.
If you’re lucky enough to have a partner like I do, then you know that they are the great mirror into your soul. I want to be a dragon, but maybe I could use a little more frog.
So I spent this past month cultivating some strength, but balancing it with some stillness. There’s a sense of letting go, but also standing in my power because it’s really all that I can do in any given moment. Whether the ego is real or not is irrelevant. It’s the only way that I can participate in the game of existence, so I’ve got to put on that face. I stoke the flames of the fire within me, but do my best to keep it contained. I won’t let it go out, neither will I let it encompass the world around it. The work is constant. It’s listening and responding simultaneously so that I cannot differentiate one from the other. Perhaps that's why I’ve always found this to be such a frustrating chakra. It’s a dancing flame and just when I think it’s one thing, it’s something completely different.
That’s all for this month. Thanks for burning with me.
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!