Living in the Midst

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A year ago I decided to separate my writing content on Instagram from my personal content. (I mean, it’s ALL personal, but you get the idea.) I didn’t know what to call this new account… I didn’t want to be pigeonholed into only writing about infertility; I hoped that one day I’d have other things to write about. When asked to narrow down my book topic to one sentence, I came up with Living a Good, Full Life in the Midst of Infertility. Of course, that was too long for an IG handle, but there was something that caught my attention…

Life in the midst.

Even then I knew there was something more to this short phrase. I didn’t overthink it — I just turned it into an action phrase, opened a new account and @livinginthemidst was born! It’s funny how a quick decision like that has shaped my writing in so many ways over the last year. Had I gone with @inthemidstofinfertility I’d feel like everything would need to be infertility related. Had I chosen @livingagoodfulllife I’d be tempted to make everything positive.

I didn’t want either of those.

I wanted to share how I’m living in the midst of the good and the hard parts of life.

A friend and I communicate through Marco Polo almost daily. I often listen to her while on my morning walk with Steve, so it’s kind of like she’s walking with us too. She mentioned something about cancer and I immediately thought about my childhood best friend Katy and my Grandma Augspurger, both of whom died of cancer. I spent the rest of the walk telling my friend about these two women. I cried as I walked and talked.

Toward the end of the walk I said something like, “My armpits are so sweaty and stinky!” (I recently stopped using antiperspirant.) I then laughed at myself and observed the lack of segue from mourning the loss of these two people I hold dear in my heart to the stinkiness of my underarms!

But that’s exactly what Living in the Midst means to me — it’s holding both of those things at the same time. It’s acknowledging my feelings and grief over death. And, it’s being present in the grittiness of the human body. It’s reminiscing about childhood memories and wondering when the “detox” stage will be over. It’s crying on a walk and then laughing at myself just a few steps later.

Photo by Joy Stillings Photography

Another way to describe this is simply being present. Present to the feelings, thoughts, and experiences that present themselves to you in any moment. Being present doesn’t mean reacting to every feeling, thought or experience — it can be a simple acknowledgement and then letting that feeling, thought or experience float away.

I live in the midst when I pay attention to Creation and learn from the flowers. I live in the midst when I pay attention to scenes around me and apply them to my own life. I live in the midst when I tell myself a better story about who I am and how I live.

You see, there isn’t one way to master living in the midst… in fact, I’m not even sure it’s something one can master. Living in the midst is being present to yourself day after day, moment after moment.

Living in the midst is honoring the wisdom in your own life.

Right now we’re all living in the midst of a lot...

A global pandemic means some are working more than usual and some aren’t getting enough work. Some are anxious about working in crowds and others are struggling working from home. Some prefer to be home more and others are craving big events with lots of people. In other words, we’re all living in the midst of a huge health crisis, which means paying attention to our feelings, thoughts and experiences is especially important.

At the same time we’re also seeing massive social momentum around the racist foundation on which our country was built. Whether it’s because people are on their phones even more than usual or because peer pressure is higher or because of many other reasons, some White people are channeling their energy into protests, education and listening in ways we’ve not done before. In other words, we’re all living in the midst of a racial reckoning, which means paying attention to our feelings, thoughts and experiences is especially important.

This doesn’t even take into account the new medical diagnoses and the new babies being born and the family members dying and the jobs being lost and the friendships strengthening and the uncertainty of life… friends, we are living in the midst in ways many of us have never faced before.

So, if one minute you’re crying about a loved one that died almost twenty years ago and the next you’re laughing about your stinky armpits, well… I’d say you’re doing a darn good job of living in the midst.

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