Someone I’ve Been Sitting With

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In 1982 Benjamin Hoff published a book called, “The Tao of Pooh” in which he explains why Winnie the Pooh is the hero of The Hundred Acre Woods and the greatest Taoist in the western literary canon. In ‘92, he followed it up with a sequel. “The Te of Piglet” helped us see why the things that made him different were the very things that made him special.

These are two of my favorite books on Taoism, because they are incredibly accessible whether you’re interested in Taoism or not. I’ve found that sometimes when you want to introduce someone to a topic that is a bit unappetizing to them, it’s best to begin by using phrases and examples that might hit a bit closer to home. In other words, learn to speak your audience’s language. So this month I submit to you, my reader, that we should close out the trilogy with a quick little article that explores the Zen of Eeyore.

We all know Eeyore. That little stuffed donkey constantly losing his tail and followed ever so closely by rain clouds. It’s not difficult to watch the show or read the book and characterize Eeyore as having depression. In fact, browse through the internet and the point has been made that each character in The Hundred Acre Woods is representative of a personality disorder that Christopher Robin identifies with in his struggles with schizophrenia.

That got pretty dark pretty quick.

I like to think of the tales as a little kid with a fantastic imagination having fun in the forest. But I’m a little old fashioned like that.

Anyway, there’s a reason I want to bring Eeyore to your attention here and now. I don’t think we have to go so far as to say Christopher Robin suffers from a personality disorder, but I think it would be fair to place each animal friend as an emotion that sometimes comes up for him. It’s not dissimilar from the recent Pixar movie, “Inside Out” where we get a view into a little girl’s world where she experiences Joy, Anger, Fear and a few more emotions as little people in her head. It’s a fantastic way to teach children about what they’re feeling inside as they emotionally mature and one that maybe we as adults could stand to learn a little more about too.

I want you to notice that almost everything that Eeyore says is negative. He has a terrible self image. He expects bad things to happen to him and when they do, he vocalizes that he deserves them. He even goes so far as to suggest that the rest of the gang should just go along without him as they would be better off. Luckily the gang never does. Nobody approaches Eeyore and says that he should get better. Nobody really tries to change who Eeyore is as a fundamental character. They don’t try to ditch him and they make sure that he is included in everything that they do, supporting him and who he is as best they can.

I’ve been sitting with Eeyore a lot lately. Months ago I wasn’t ready to pass any type of judgement on the quarantine and while I’m still willing to believe that good will come of it, I’m ready for it to be over. The current political and racial climate hasn’t left me feeling any better. I’m unsure of my emotions, unsure of my reactions and unsure of what is to be done.

I just know that everything feels pretty off right now.

And for not really having much on my schedule these days, I’m tired. I’m always tired. I’ll set the alarm for an early start so that I can get to Palisades Park early and do some yoga and meditation looking out into the waves in Santa Monica, but most of the time when that alarm goes off, I snooze it. There’s enough time in the day that I can do it whenever so why not catch some more sleep? In the slow and deliberate drawl of my companion Eeyore, “Why bother?”

The worst thing has to be that all of my usual ways in which I’d ‘fix’ this situation are not available to me. Two weeks ago when L.A. was looking good and opening up studios I took my first yoga class since March. I went and saw a teacher I absolutely love and had one of the best experiences ever. I even teared up in Savasana. It was fantastic. And the literal next day word came down from the Governor that gyms were closing up shop again. It’s too bad because sweating it out in some poses I don’t like really helped me to brush Eeyore away for a bit, but he was right outside the studio waiting for me.

So I’ve been hanging out with Eeyore a lot lately. He’s not great company. Truth be told I’d like to spend a day with Tigger. But he’s always got a lot going on and hasn’t texted me back. Pooh and I had plans to meet for a meal but he forgot again.

And Piglet is just too afraid to go outside right now.

The other night we decided we’d buy a couple tall boys and walk around the neighborhood. Nobody is really out except a couple of dog-walkers and late night jogging enthusiasts so it’s pretty quiet. I spent some time in my airpods listening to music and other times strolling along listening to what he had to say or just being in the silence of the night. We made our way to a park where all the playground equipment was roped off with caution tape, which I guess is just a sign of the times. We sat down together on a bench for a bit just because there wasn’t much else to do.

And that’s when it hits you. Depression and sadness, as I see them, are not things to be avoided. They’re not things to run away from and they’re not things that make you a bad human. They simply make you a human. There would be no good if it were not contrasted with bad, so it seems like you have to taste the sour if you ever want the sweet.

My teacher has a great line about zen. The word itself has been hijacked and used as something to denote peaceful beaches and little eastern massage shops that can bring you into alignment, but that’s not what he thinks. He says,

“Zazen isn’t about blissing out or going into an alpha brain-wave trance. It’s about facing who and what you really are, in every single moment. And you aren’t bliss, I’ll tell you that right now. You’re a mess. We all are.”

— Brad Warner

You see to me that’s incredibly comforting. Because I don’t feel good right now. And there are so many things that I could do to help move this feeling along so that I don’t have to feel it anymore but they all feel like avoidance. It all feels like me ignoring the actual current climate of the world and my life and doing something that we’ve labeled as spiritual bypassing. It’s all running away from the ‘feeling.’

But when you sit with the ‘feeling,’ I think something amazing happens. I think that you realize that this feeling is no different than the feeling of happiness or excitement or love or pain or whatever. It’s a transient feeling and no matter how good or bad you’ve labeled each feeling, in time it will pass. No matter how hard you plead for it to stay, or how much you beg it to go. Father Time is truly undefeated.

So for now I’ll sit here on my park bench in the middle of the night. I’ve got one hand wrapped around a brown bagged tall boy and the other draped across Eeyore’s droopy shoulders. When I look at him, I can’t help but laugh. Because good or bad, it’s all just so terribly meaningful.

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