Turn The Wheel!

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When I was about 14 years old my dad had an idea to begin teaching me how to drive. Up to that point I had always been the passenger. When you’ve never driven it’s simple to watch and think it’s easy. It’s not until you begin driving yourself that riding with someone can feel uncertain.

I remember one of my first lessons. I lived in a small village and the perimeter of the town was less than 1 mile. My parents owned a large F-150 truck that we grew up in, and this would be the vehicle I would learn to drive in.  For this lesson, we would take one lap around the town.

We got out on the road and I thought it was simple enough. Seeing other people drive made me think it wouldn’t take much effort. So, I hit a simple right turn at a stop sign and thought, this isn’t so bad.

Further on down the road was much different.

It was to take a hard left curve, and on that curve, there was a road that attached to it sharply on the right. I began taking the curve and my dad told me to turn on the sharp right. I began to turn the wheel, but something was off. The truck wasn’t turning as much as it should have been.

I heard my dad firmly say, “Turn the wheel...”, but I slightly froze and kept my trajectory. He shouted a little more “Turn the wheel, dammit!”

Boom! We went directly into the ditch. Luckily, nothing bad came of it. The truck simply went into a field and he was able to drive up out of it.

I remember this moment because it has happened so many times in my life in different forms. Sometimes the turn we have to make is a little more challenging than we are expecting it to be. As result, I often find myself saying “Turn the wheel.”

Right now in my life, I wouldn’t say I’m in the ditch. I just find myself wanting to take that sharp turn. Except, with this type of turn, the road won’t appear until you turn the wheel. There’s no guarantee that the road is there, or if it is there, that it will lead you to anything.

But there’s the feeling.

The intuition to make the move. And that’s the thing to trust. This is what the wheel represents. We want it to be automatic. We want to stay on cruise control. It’s what we know. But sometimes you’ve got to make the hard cuts because that’s what the drive requires. Getting deeper into the intuition, and thus the unknowing.

I’m in a place now thinking about what I’ve sacrificed to do what I am doing. To be a personal trainer in the community I live in, I’ve gone without relationships. It allowed me to learn about my work and how it impacts people’s lives, but at the same time, I’ve seen friends get married and start families. While I could have been doing that too, the commitment to do well with my work brought a lot of focus and a deeper understanding of myself.

Now, things are settling down. I’m in the groove with my community and gaining traction after nearly a decade of work. But the feeling is sinking in.

It’s time to turn the wheel and I don't want to go in the ditch.

I have many desires. Does that mean to expand professionally? Does that mean to jump into dating. All those things I can handle. It's just the social expectations and pressures that make making moves a terrible experience. That's what makes me shut down the most. People ask so many questions. And it's like they're better at asking a question than they are at giving authentic feedback. Which is what I ordinarily need.

I went back to my childhood hometown to visit that curve. I wasn't in a bulky F-150 this time. Just a small car, but the dynamics of the road hadn't changed. I made the sharp turn right and it came with such ease. That thing that once put me in a ditch wasn't even a blink of an eye anymore.

I suppose that's all the feedback I need. A simple visit back to the original experience to realize my growth, and to recognize that what was once my challenge is now a fluid part of my ability. I think I'm going to enjoy turning the wheel going into the next phase of my life.

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