The Connection Has Timed Out
The other day this message popped up on my computer screen, and it got me thinking... Oftentimes life seems to feel like it's simply a continuous ebb and flow between times of connection and times of disconnection. I witness myself in this dance constantly, and it's a great deal of what keeps me staying present overall, and I find this balance to be healthy and necessary.
I share time with friends, family, clients, etc... and then I retreat to refill in what I call my "alone zone". I give energy to work (emails, social media, tasks, home)... and then I reset by going out in nature. I play music, write, and create, and then I balance this output with rest and being time. I can still clearly remember when this balance wasn't so natural for me, rather, it didn't exist at all.
You could take those words on my computer screen and make them the label for most of my 20s.
That's how it felt. Like the connection just timed out. For many years I was completely disconnected — from myself, from my Intuition, from music, from joy, from Love... and from self-love.
Recently I witnessed a similar type of disconnection in another person, and it reminded me of how unhealthy I was back then. The lack of connection had me going through the motions, and that was about it. I wasn't actively hurting myself per se, though I wasn't actively healing myself either.
This person expressed their opinion about my level of commitment to my self-work saying, "I'm just fine not seeking perfection from myself. You should be careful always trying to better yourself."
Interesting perspective... ;)
Truly though, THAT right there is the key. This self-work there is to do is not about being "healed" and it's certainly not about seeking perfection. It's about being an ongoing active participant in your own healing.
I did not hear those comments as a judgment toward me whatsoever.
What I heard was a person in pain whose resistance was speaking for them — justifying their choice to remain disconnected from themself. And what I felt was a palpable lack of self-love being projected at me.
Others are not always going to understand or support your growth. It may even trigger their own insecurities. What would feel more comfortable for them is if you stayed right where you are. Not healing, not growing, not threatening the status quo by becoming "better".
My path of healing and spiritual growth is not for everyone, and that's ok. Though, it is what I'm called to in this life. So when a pain or wound within me reveals itself and asks for my attention, I will not ignore it. Simple as that.
My wish is that you will also choose not to ignore yours.
Anymore, I could easily say that my disconnection time is really where I experience the deepest level of connection. It is in my quietest moments of rest and inner exploration when I hear Spirit the loudest. And that's the only voice that matters. Developing a relationship with your Intuition requires learning how to disconnect from everything and everyone around you — especially their opinions — so you connect to yourself.
And if someone in your life continues to express their distaste for your connection with yourself, well then maybe that's simply revealing your connection with that person has timed out. Keep choosing you.
Keep choosing all the delicious disconnection which ultimately leads to you the greatest connection of all.
Did you enjoy this read?
Please leave a comment below and share the link!
(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!