Do It Afraid

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Fear: Unwilling or reluctant to do something for the fear of the consequences.

How long has fear kept you tucked away in the shadows? How long have you let the voices of doubt, that sometimes speak louder than the truth, prevent you from making necessary changes? Do you have ideas that God has placed in your heart that keep you up at night, but your longtime friend, anxiety is still in control?

I'm referring to the fear that finds comfort in procrastination and being idle. Why is it that when I set my healing and dreams aside to focus on other things that life seemed more comfortable? Life was easier when I didn't have to face the woman who stands in the mirror, and come to terms with the fact that she is broken — depression present in her life, and feeling that she should have accomplished more in her 30 years than she already has.

Why can’t I see that I am right where God wants me to be?

When I allow fear and insecurities to take control, l don't have to be consumed with chasing after the desires of my heart. The truth is, every step closer to fulfilling my passion feels terrifying. Nevertheless, I must do it and  take risks to progress in life. I had to tell myself that I am created in His image and I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

Now believe me when I say, that is so much easier said than done. The fear is still ever so present, however, I keep moving forward because I can no longer waste time sleeping on my purpose. I relate to Jhené Aiko, I was Born Tired. I’m tired of the depression, tired of complaining, tired of not knowing my true self as a Woman, a Mother, and Child of God.

For so many years life seemed overwhelming. I wanted to undo the consequences of some of my decisions that I felt were the cause of my unhappy life. I had to take control of my life and my time that I had been given. This journey has been amazing, painful, overwhelming and necessary. I am now chasing the desires of my heart and doing it all through the fear.

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I wrote this two years ago with the desire to start my own blog.

I was honest and transparent, but most importantly my words were therapeutic. I always loved to write; I remember writing poems growing up and I was a part of the journalism newspaper in high school. Over time, life was filled with kids, work, and the desire to write grew further away… I forgot I even enjoyed writing.

However, the seed was still planted and with healing, self-discovery and connecting with people that encouraged my writing, I wrote this piece. I was able to uproot what I had buried; though, every word I wrote about “doing it afraid” was true, the fear at the time still hindered me from moving forward; and writing publicly. I did not have the faith to believe my words could bring healing or comfort to others.

Nevertheless, here we are, I'm taking action towards my passion. My message is: it's not about how long it takes to get to your destination, but embracing the journey on the way there.

In this season of my life, I'm still afraid and I still have doubts.

I have thoughts that I am not a strong enough writer, will people relate or be inspired by my writing? What I am learning is, once we let go of expectations and surrender to God, He can move with us. The seeds you have planted in your action, in the prayers you have prayed and the tears you have cried, will manifest the harvest you have sown. I am reaping the benefits of what I have sown.

Now I will say this, if you trust God and take the leap of faith, things will move in your life faster than you could have imagined. When we get out of our heads and recognize we are created with His strength, we can move forward without delay. I pray that I can continue to lean on God not just for my writing, but all the areas in my life where I am hesitant.

When my first journal entry, “Purpose in Grief” was posted, I was so excited, but the soundtracks of negativity swiftly flooded in. However, Once I truly began to move despite my anxieties, I became open to confirmation that I was on the right path. I saw a post after my piece was posted that said, “you are worth everything you desire even if your mind tells you that you are not”. The moment we start walking in our purpose, doubts will try to steal your joy. But God will always confirm and reinforce what He has in you and for you.

Make room in your life to see the confirmation.

He will speak to you in numbers, people, and His word to let you know that you are on the right path. If you want to be a writer, write! Write about anything, get lost in a topic and write — let your mind be free with your words. If you want to go to school but don’t know that you can manage, take one class at a time. If you want to start dating but are afraid of being vulnerable again, pour into yourself, learn your love language, date yourself, and heal. As you invest in yourself and gain confidence, your person will come.

Whatever it is that you want to do, do it afraid.

Don’t sit on your future and passions. Priscilla Shirer said, when you get to the root of why you are not pursuing your dreams, when the honest answer is fear that’s holding you back, that is the adversary planting those seeds. So, if fear is holding you back, pray through it, meditate through it, speak over yourself with affirmations and do it afraid.

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