All There
Above my desk, where I sit right now, there is a simple art print on the shelf. A powerful quote pressed in rose gold foil on heavy-weight, soft white cotton card stock. My former stationery designer self appreciates these details and quality of materials.. and my font-loving graphic design self loves the unique, clean typeface, and the way it's aligned in a justified composition with the perfect amount of negative space surrounding it.
While I don't know much — and can't really get on board with the little I do know — about this quote's author, the words resonate with me. And if you've been here for any bit of time, you know my passion for words.
The intensity of the recent weeks has had me at a loss for words.
I write, and maybe a paragraph flows... where I'd usually easily spill out at least a few pages. My general conversation with others retreats and my words go inward... I don't feel like talking as much. I sit at my piano and singing feels laborious... I only want to close my eyes and give myself over to the movement and sounds of the keys.
My mind feels too full... I only have energy for being in my body. For feeling, for crying, for touching the earth... for being.
On the heels of my last birthday, I felt a visceral awareness that the following 12 months were going to be quite significant for me. Many exciting things were going to unfold, and I knew the journey would challenge me greatly. In that moment, I made a reverent agreement with myself that I wanted to be more fully present than ever for every part of it — the good, the celebrations, and the gut-wrenching, hard parts too.
The last couple months have been chock full of the hard parts.
Environmentally and collectively there has been literal and figurative fire... and personally, I've been in it. It's been one of those roller coaster phases where the bright spots have been really bright, and dark ones have been really dark. There's been less of that balanced, middle-ground space I've grown so strong at thriving in. And while all this up and down feels pretty uncomfortable, I know what I need to do. Be there in it.
The potent rose gold words above my desk read, "Wherever you are, be all there". That's the Work. Whether you find yourself in an exploratory adventure geographically, or in a thick forest of feelings emotionally. Be there in it. Be in the present moment, let go of the doing, and be all there with wherever you are.
Six months have passed since my birthday, and as I ride through this tunnel, this roller coaster, this wave... I am stretching my arms up and choosing surrender. I'm choosing simple. Recently I notice it more — the quote above my desk that's been there for over a year — and it's reminding me: Be here.
Wherever you are — be there. Be all in with the body and the sensory experience... Be all in with your feelings and feel them. And always know you are not alone. You have me. You have this community.
And most importantly, you have YOU.
What's one thing you can let go of doing this week to give yourself more space to be?✨
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(She/Her)
The gal behind Held In The Heart. The Community Journal is a space for those who feel deeply to express freely. We explore all sorts of things here, from the real & raw healing stories & creative writing, to the funny & fleeting moments of everyday human life. I warmly welcome you and invite you to explore with us!