How Are You Feeling?

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I had initially written a different article for this month; however, I thought it may be more helpful to share my own feelings and what I am doing to help mitigate my own fears and anxieties amidst the current world pandemic.

It’s been almost a week now since walking into what looked like a scene from a zombie apocalypse movie at the local Kroger grocery store at ten o’clock at night, so I’ve had some time to process all that is going on in my mind and my body. From the initial moment inside that store, even though I just turned around and left, my body was on full alert. And, so it began…

It became hours past my normal bedtime before I could get to sleep and staying asleep was a challenge. I would wake up in the middle of the night, my mind would begin racing and I couldn’t get back to sleep. This went on for six nights before I finally got a normal night’s sleep.  Initially, my stomach was hurting, feeling like a slow burn, all the time, similar to what I have felt in the past when I felt the beginnings of an ulcer. Thankfully, my stomach issues only lasted a couple of days. In addition to both of these physical changes I could literally feel the pounding of my own heartbeat reverberating throughout my body from being in this state of fight or flight.

My body knows these feelings well, as I experienced anxiety and panic beginning in my mid-twenties.

It’s just been in the last five years or so, when I started peeling back the layers and learning where my trauma’s and self-sabotaging habits lie, that I have been able to understand the fear and anxiety, allowing me to set the course of unlearning unhealthy habits and rediscover the true essence of my being.

During this time social media is filled with news reports, some true, some not and memes of all categories relating to the COVID-19 virus and the reactions of people around the globe. Our Governor, here in Ohio, is on TV every day with a live press conference around 2:30 in the afternoon… something I just happened upon two days in a row a couple of weeks ago and the news media is reporting on this pandemic 24/7. It is literally in your face everywhere you turn.

While I understand the importance of being informed, a person can barely get away from it. People everywhere are in full blown panic, each triggered by their own set of fears and reacting in ways they wouldn’t normally. Panic is not something to be made fun of, nor should we judge it, but I did at first. I thought, what on earth is wrong with everyone running out and clearing out grocery stores?!

Fear, real or imagined, is real to the person experiencing it.

Regardless of the situation, when we are afraid, we feel helpless, like we have no control of our lives, which can set off panic in multiple ways causing people to do things that they would never do in their rational mind.

The morning after my Kroger experience I was feeling sadness and even depression to the point of tears. I immediately began writing down all that I experienced and the feelings I was having, trying to analyze my own fears, because, well, that’s what I do. However, it wasn’t until a conversation with a friend about my unsettled emotions, in which I had my initial breakthrough. During that light-bulb moment I realized that as an empath, not only was I feeling my own uncertain energy, but the energy all throughout the world as a whole!

Knowing that all this energy wasn’t mine, helped me begin to separate my energy from everyone else’s. What I discovered was, that while, yes, I was still experiencing my own reactions to this situation, my own reactions were not nearly as monumental, as I thought. Throughout the days following this revelation I was still battling my own feelings of anxiousness even though I was journaling daily.

While it’s second nature for me to meditate a lot throughout the day, I had gotten away from intentional meditation, meaning physically going to a particular place in my home, lighting a candle, diffusing some essential oils and truly focusing on the meditation by using guided meditation, which is my favorite. So, I began meditating in this way sometimes up to three times a day – whatever I felt I needed to calm my overactive mind. And it has helped.

What are you doing to calm your fears?

I was already reaching out to people via texting, email and messenger, but on Tuesday I started making good, old-fashioned phone calls! What a difference that made! To hear a person’s voice, tone, inflection on words and truly connect was an amazing turning point and will definitely be incorporated into my routines.  Another thing I did was begin walking out in nature, once again connecting with living, breathing plants, trees and animals along the way.

I still find myself somewhat resistant to the release of emotions, and even though I tear-up at a lot of things, I still don’t allow myself all of the gut-wrenching sob-sessions that I truly need, so the energy stays stuck in my body. The same goes for my Breathwork practice and if there was ever a time for me to incorporate Breathwork into my daily routines, the time is now! The healing of oneself during a Breathwork session is different for everyone and for me is different every time I do it. Sometimes it’s euphoric and sometimes it’s gut-wrenching, but what it always is, no matter how much I resist that purging of emotions is IT’S HEALING!! I participated in Beth’s Special Donation Based Breathwork session on Wednesday.

This session allowed the gut-wrenching sobbing release of energy my body needed and I felt even better!

By Thursday, I was much back to my normal self with several self-care routines in place. Do you have a self-care plan? What does it look like?

First and foremost, I am being very gentle and loving with myself, not judging any emotions that pop up from time to time. I acknowledge them and then let them go. I have limited my selection of news sources and the amount of time spent getting information, and am writing more than ever. I am writing down my dreams at night and journaling throughout the day, as necessary. I am practicing Restorative Yoga, as well as, meditation and prayer first thing every morning. And in addition to my walks in nature, I have been eating much healthier and smaller meals, scrapbooking, crocheting and gardening. By practicing loving self-care, I honor all that I am.

Sending you all love, prayers and healing Reiki energy.

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